The Characters:

• Siddhartha
• Jesus

The Setting :

There is a large projected image in the background ‚Äì on one side, a very round golden Buddha statue.¬† On the other side, an emaciated, bloody, crucified Christ.¬† As the play begins, SIDDHARTHA sits up, meditating.¬† JESUS is curled on the ground asleep.¬† Then he awakens…

JESUS : …Where am I?¬† Ow…¬† My head…¬† I was praying…in a garden…¬† I must have fallen asleep.

SIDDHARTHA : I also fell asleep, beneath a tree.  I saw you here sleeping.  I recognized you.

JESUS : Yeah, I do a lot of public speaking.  That bit about the sower of seeds, who just scatters them, willy-nilly?  I came up with that.  The crowds love it.

SIDDHARTHA : …Ah, yes.¬† A joke.¬† For in truth there is no sower.¬† There are no seeds.

JESUS : …Well, not literally, no.¬† It’s just a story.

SIDDHARTHA : But your…stand-up comedy is not how I know you.¬† I’ve seen you in visions, worshiped¬† as the Christ, the only son of God, who was with God before all things came into being.

JESUS : (Pause.¬† Then he laughs) Oh!¬† So you’re the comedian.¬† Only son of God!¬† That’s rich!¬† Just wait till I tell the guys I hang out with!¬† I couldn’t use it my routine, though, because it’s…you know…blasphemy.

SIDDHARTHA : Ah, yes.  You people fear your God.  But perhaps God does not exist.

JESUS : …Don’t say things like that when I’ve got a…headache like this…¬† Ah, well.¬† At least I don’t feel like that guy…¬† (Indicates the image of the crucified Christ)

SIDDHARTHA : …Not yet apparently.¬† But give it a couple days.¬† For that suffering figure on the cross is you.

JESUS : …WHAT!?¬† A cross!?

SIDDHARTHA : You were praying in a garden.¬† So this very night you shall be betrayed, handed over to the Romans.¬† They will put you to death…and then in the third century they will raise you up as their God.¬† Emperors will use your name to keep the impoverished masses from rising up against them.

JESUS : …Now I think I’m gonna be sick!¬† You mean to tell me I’m about to get hung up naked, die on a cross, and then turned into a God?¬† Why can’t I turn into a God now so I can avoid all that?

SIDDHARTHA : It is your karma.  And the cross shall become a symbol of your power.

JESUS : After I’ve died on one?¬† Slowly?¬† Painfully?¬† Naked?¬† And then I’ll become a tool in the hands of the oppressors?

SIDDHARTHA : Yes.

JESUS : Then I’d almost be inclined to agree that there’s no God.¬† Except…who else could have such a sick, twisted sense of humor?¬† But hold on a minute now…¬† As my head clears I think I recognize you too.¬† Puff your stomach out.

SIDDHARTHA : Like…this?

JESUS : Yes.¬† And now your cheeks.¬† Like you’re holding your breath.¬† Ah!¬† I see it now!¬† I’ve also had a vision of you, all fat and jolly.

SIDDHARTHA : …Perhaps you mistake me for your good friend Santa Claus?

JESUS : No, no, you were plated in gold, like…¬† Like that guy!¬† In the picture!¬† There you are!

SIDDHARTHA : I…beg your pardon…

JESUS : Can’t you see the resemblance?

SIDDHARTHA : Absolutely not.¬† Look at me!¬† I’ve spent the last six years starving myself beneath a tree!¬† I’m skin and bone!

JESUS : You shall be called the Buddha, the Enlightened One.¬† Although ‘the heavy one’ would be more appropriate.¬† Monks will observe strict doctrine based on your teachings, temples will be built.¬† King Ashoka will use your teachings to pacify and rule his vast Indian empire.

SIDDHARTHA: But this is not what I desired!¬† I don’t even have any desires!

JESUS : Of course not.¬† What’s left to desire when you’ve eaten that much food?

SIDDHARTHA : Look who’s talking!¬† I’ve heard rumors about you ‚Äì a glutton and a drunk, friend of tax-collectors and prostitutes.

JESUS : …Says the guy who abandoned his wife and child to go sit under a tree and pretend he didn’t exist.

SIDDHARTHA : I don’t exist.¬† My physical body, my historical identity ‚Äì none of this matters.¬† Only my teachings of the Dharma are real.

JESUS : There will be great struggles and divisions over a correct doctrine of your teaching that can be applied to all Buddhists.

SIDDHARTHA : An no less division ‚Äì not to mention bloodshed ‚Äì over a ‘correct’ dogma for Christianity.

JESUS : What, you mean there won’t be enough blood, from me being crucified?¬† People will need to go spill more?

SIDDHARTHA : I’ll do you one better, grasshopper.¬† Your followers will be so hot for blood, they’re gonna pretend to drink it.¬† Every week.

JESUS : This is insane!  I wanted to put an end to sacrifices!

SIDDHARTHA : And you will.  But the sacrifice of you will be ritually repeated every week for two thousand years.

JESUS : I can’t believe it.¬† I’ve spent my life fighting rigid religious structures and empty piety…

SIDDHARTHA : I sought to free people from the control of corrupt Vedic priests.

JESUS : …Have we failed?

SIDDHARTHA : Eh.¬† If you can’t beat ‘em…they’ll wait till after you’re dead, and say you joined ‘em.

Sadly, war in the East is nothing new ‚Äì some of us may remember Operation Desert-Storm. Some of the older ones among us may remember…the Crusades… There might even be a person or two in the room who remember the Hebrews invading Israel some thirty-three hundred years ago, and how they were in turn attacked by the Philestines, the Persians, the Babylonians and the Romans… And those who remember all that ‚Äì what are you still doing in the 20′s/30′s group? You know who you are…

With all this history of conflict, the question is…How do we bring peace to a warring world? And to answer the question, I’ve opened the lines for some Biblical figures to give us their unput. Hello?

GOLIATH : Urrrrrr…

NARRATOR : Ur to you too. Who may I ask is calling?

GOLIATH : I am Goliath.

NARRATOR : And where are you calling from?

GOLIATH : Gath.

NARRATOR : And how is Gath this time of year?

GOLIATH : Urrrrrr…

NARRATOR : Same here in New York, I hear ya. So we’re wondering. How would you bring peace to a warring world?

GOLIATH : I would stand against the enemy forces, wave my spear at them and shout out ‚ÄúChoose a man for yourselves, and let him come down to me. If he is able to kill me, then we will be your servants; but if I prevail against him and kill him, then you shall be our servants and serve us… Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and [your bones] to the wild animals of the field.” (1 Samuel 17:8-9, 17:44)

NARRATOR : …Well yes, that’s one way of bringing peace, but…

GOLIATH : Also I would call them cowards. And fools. Foolish cowards.

NARRATOR : Alright, thanks. And I see we’ve got another caller. This is..?

SAMSON : This is Samson. You can tell that fool Goliath I killed a thousand men with the jawbone of a donkey, so I bet I could take him down with the beak of a sparrow. (Judges 13:15)

NARRATOR : Um… We’re talking about peace here. How would we bring peace to a warring world?

SAMSON : Oh yeah, um… Well, you let me know how that works out. But if it doesn’t, all I ask is a fresh supply of jawbones and I’ll take on any army.

NARRATOR : Thanks. Okay. Alright. Um. So. Are there any callers who’d like to tell us something about bringing peace to a warring world? Hello?

JAEL : (Pronounced ‚ÄúYah-El‚Äù) Hi, this is Jael. I think, with these men always so hot to clash against each-other on the battle-field, it’s no wonder we never have peace. If you want war, ask men. But if you want peace, you should be asking the women.

NARRATOR : And how would you bring peace about?

JAEL : Well, I remember when there was a terrible battle near my tent, the Canaanites attacked, our men fought bravely, and the Canaanites went into retreat. Their commander, Sisera, snuck into my tent to hide. And even though he was the enemy of my people, I let him in, gave him some water and a place to sleep. (Judges 4:17-20)

NARRATOR : And did your kindness change his disposition?

JAEL : I don’t know if my kindness changed him…because while he was sleeping I took a hammer and drove a tent-peg through his head till it sunk into the ground. (Judges 4:21, 5:24-27)

NARRATOR : Ow…

JAEL : But things definitely got more peaceful after that.

NARRATOR : Um, you know? While we’re on the phone, I think maybe I should…cancel my reservation at your Bed-n-Breakfast, I, um… Something…came up. Urgent.

JAEL : I understand.

NARRATOR : What about prophets? Any prophets out there with a word about peace? Jeremiah, is that you?

JEREMIAH : “The prophets who preceded you and me from ancient times prophesied war, famine, and pestilence against many countries and great kingdoms. As for the prophet who prophesies peace, when the word of that prophet comes true, then it will be known that the Lord has truly sent the prophet.” (Jeremiah 28:8-9)

NARRATOR : And how likely does that seem?

JEREMIAH : Not very.

NARRATOR : Is there no-one who will speak for peace?

ZECHARIAH : Hello? Hello?

NARRATOR : Hello?

ZECHARIAH : Got my voice back just in time! You see, I’d lost it for a while. This is Zechariah, husband of Elizabeth, father of John the Baptizer.

NARRATOR : Quite a resume. And do you have some words of comfort for us?

ZECHARIAH : ‚ÄúBlessed be the Lord God of Israel, for he has looked favorably on his people and redeemed them. He has raised up a mighty savior for us…that we would be saved from our enemies and from the hand of all who hate us. Thus he has shown the mercy promised to our ancestors, and has remembered his holy covenant…that we, being rescued from the hands of our enemies, might serve him without fear, in holiness and righteousness before him all our days… By the tender mercy of our God, the dawn from on high will break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.‚Äù (Luke 1:68-79 Abbreviated)

NARRATOR : Thank you, Zechariah. And our other callers, you were…helpful too. And now, rather than a word from our sponsors, I’d like to share a passage from Isaiah, chapter fifty-seven.

‚ÄúIt shall be said, ‘Build up, build up, prepare the way, remove every obstruction from my people’s [path].’ For thus says the [Lord]: I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with those who are contrite and humble in spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite. For I will not continually accuse, nor will I always be angry; for then the spirits would grow faint before me, even the souls that I have made. Because of their wicked covetousness I was angry; I struck them, I hid… I have seen their ways, but I will heal them; I will lead them and repay them with comfort, creating for mourners the fruit of [song on their] lips. Peace, peace, to the far and the near, says the Lord; and I will heal them. (Isaiah 57:14-19, Abbreviated)

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Meeting the Devil’s Advocate in the Desert

By j. Snodgrass

Presented 3 February, 2008

READERS :

Narrator (Bible Student)

“Luke” (Author of the Gospel According to Luke)

Jesus (Live Free or Die)

Devil (Advocate of Alternate Strategies)

Moses (Supposed Giver-of-the-Law in Deuteronomy)

NARRATOR : Today, in honor of the Lenten Lectionary, we’re going to take a look at my all-time favorite Biblical passage – The temptation of Jesus in the desert, in the Gospel of Luke, Chapter four, verses one to thirteen. As a matter of fact, I love this passage so much, we’re going to hear it twice!

‚ÄúLUKE‚Äù : Jesus…was led by the Spirit in the desert, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry. The devil said to him,

DEVIL : “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.”

JESUS : “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone.’”

“LUKE” : The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world.

DEVIL : “I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. So if you worship me, it will all be yours.”

JESUS : “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only.’”

“LUKE” : The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple.

DEVIL : “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here. For it is written:
‘He will command his angels…to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”

JESUS : “It [is written]: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

“LUKE” : When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left [Jesus] until an opportune time.

NARRATOR : Great. Man, there’s a lot in there. What we’re going to do now, is hear this scene again. But this time, we’ll have a running commentary track, from a Bible Student, and also from Moses. Now what’s Moses got to do with this? Well, throughout this scene, it seems like every line Jesus says begins with ‘it is written’ – these are all references to the book of Law РDeuteronomy, which is said to be the transcript of Moses’s farewell speech. So, if we’re all ready, let’s press play again, this time with commentary…

‚ÄúLUKE‚Äù : Jesus…was led by the Spirit in the desert, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry. The devil [came] to him,

NARRATOR : When the author says ‚Äúthe devil‚Äù here, it’s probable he was talking about…Satan… And it’s worth taking a quick look at this character of‚ĶSatan‚Ķ Or, Ha-Satan (Pronounced Hah-Sah-Tahn) as the case may be. If you were an Ancient Near-Eastern King, your word was law ‚Äì you were considered a God to your people. And you had a council of advisors, but basically it was their job to say…

ALL READERS : ‘Yes, Your Majesty.’

NARRATOR : And if they said no, you chopped off their thumbs and big toes. But there‚Äôs only so many times the King can decree that ‘Friday shall be Hawaiian shirt day’ or ‘From henceforth we shall all speak in Jamaican accents, man’ or whatever, before the populace gets antsy. So there was one person in the King‚Äôs court whose job it was to say ‚ÄúMmmmm…No.‚Äù And no matter what the king decreed, this person had to come up with an argument against it ‚Äì let‚Äôs call it ‚ÄòPlaying Devil‚Äôs Advocate.‚Äô

This person‚Äôs job-title was a word meaning ‚ÄúAdversary‚Äù or ‚ÄúAccuser‚Äù ‚Äì ‚ÄúSatan.‚Äù This name or title only appears in three books of the Old Testament ‚Äì brief cameos in Chronicles and Psalm 109, and then a scene in the book of Job. In first Chronicles, 21:1: ‚ÄúSatan…incited David to take a census of Israel. So David said… “Go and count the Israelites…Then report back to me.”

Sounds innocent enough. But why would King David take a census of Israel? The same reason as now – taxation and the draft. So in a way, it makes perfect sense to say the Devil tempted him to do this, and of course the result was a disaster. The Lord was so furious with David that he sent a plague to kill seventy thousand men. (1 Chronicles 21:14)

[The Lord was so furious with David, that he offered the king three options: 1 Chronicles 21:12 “three years of famine, three months of being swept away before your enemies…or three days of the sword of the LORD - days of plague in the land, with the angel of the LORD ravaging every part of Israel.' (David chose three days of attack at the hands of the merciful God, who killed only seventy thousand men – 1 Chronicles 21:14). This is what King David got for listening to his Satan.]

But even the King of Kings, Lord of Lords – even the Most High God, was thought to have such an advisor. As we read in the book of Job…

Job 1:6-12

One day the Heavenly Beings came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came with them. The LORD said to Satan, “Where have you come from?” Satan answered… “From roaming through the earth…”

Then the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.”

“Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.”

The LORD said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.” Then Satan went out from the presence of the LORD.

Some of Job’s eleven thousand animals were stolen, the rest were destroyed by fire from the sky. His servants were slaughtered, a house collapsed on his seven sons and three daughters, and his skin was stricken with boils. Even his wife said ‚ÄúJust curse the Lord and die ‚Äì get it over with!‚Äù (Job 2:9) But Job‚Äôs response was not what the Satan expected. In Job 1:21, Job looked out over the devastation of all he once had and said ‚ÄúNaked was I born and naked will I die. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away, his name be praised.‚Äù (Job 1:21) And at the end of the book, Job’s fortunes are restored, with new children and more animals than he had before.

So now we jump forward again to Jesus in the wilderness, full of the spirit. He’s got a plan ‚Äì speak out against authority, and get himself killed in the most agonizing, humiliating, excruciating way possible ‚Äì and when I say ‚ÄúEx-Cruc-iating,‚Äù I mean EX-ecution on the Cruce/Crux/CROSS, in more pain than it would take to give birth to septuplets EIGHT times in a row. And in comes Satan, or the Sah-Tahn, to tell Jesus he has another option…

DEVIL : “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.”

JESUS : “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone.’”

NARATOR : Moses?

MOSES : Deuteronomy eight, two to five – Remember how the LORD your God led you…in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know…whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you…to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.

“LUKE” : The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world.

DEVIL : “I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. So if you worship me, it will all be yours.”

JESUS : “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.’”

NARRATOR : Aaaand let’s pass the mic to Moe…again…

MOSES : Deuteronomy six, thirteen to fifteen – Fear the LORD your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name. Do not follow other gods…for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a jealous God and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land.

“LUKE” : The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple.

DEVIL : “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here. For it is written:
“‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”

NARRATOR : Here the devil quotes from Psalm 91, a battle-hymn of courage for those who believe in the Lord.

Psalm 91 [Wildly Abbreviated]

5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys [in the afternoon].

7 A thousand may fall at your side…but…

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling— even the LORD, who is my refuge-

10 then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra…trample the great [beast] and the serpent.

JESUS : “It [is written]: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

NARAROR : One…Moe…time…

MOSES : Deuteronomy six sixteen – Do not test the LORD your God as you did at Massah.

NARRATOR : “Massah” was where the Israelites, weary and thirsty from being led through the desert, cried out against Moses. The Lord caused water to flow from a stone for them, and they named the place “Massah,” which means “Testing” because there they had put the Lord to the test. (Exodus 17:3-7)

“LUKE” : When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left [Jesus] until an opportune time.

Now we’ve heard two very different versions of this story. First, we heard a story in which God’s ultimate messenger for Good, Jesus, faced off against God’s ultimate messenger for Evil, the Devil. A classic struggle, a clash of titans, an ideological battle with the fate of the world hanging in the balance. Righteousness prevails.

But it’s the second story we heard that interests me more. A young person, guided by faith, has chosen to speak out against authority, to do what he or she believes in, even at the cost of his or her own life. And someone else ‚Äì maybe someone evil…or maybe a friend or lover, an trusted advisor, even a caring parent…says ‚ÄúWhat about food? Security? What about climbing the corporate ladder? Why don’t you run for president? If you’re so righteous, so faithful ‚Äì why not let God take care of you? Don’t you want to live?‚Äù

My father is an Episcopal priest. His great goal in life is to die for what he believes in ‚Äì to stand against unjust authority, and be executed for it. But that’s not his goal for me. He’s always telling me to take the safer path, get a middle-class job with insurance and whatnot. That doesn’t make him evil, it makes him a responsible parent. My goal is also to fight the system, and if need be, to die for what I believe in. But now I’m a father too, and the minute my son shows any sign of rebellion I’ll be saying ‚ÄúMy son ‚Äì go with the flow. Get a job, settle down, take it easy, and live.‚Äù Don’t get me wrong ‚Äì I’m not condoning sympathy for the devil, or saying we’re all Luke Skywalker today and Darth Vader tomorrow. The point is that even for Jesus, light of the world, no choice was ever truly black and white.

I have never been propositioned by a crimson-red man with horns and a tail, offering me the world on a plate (if choices were so clear ‚Äì why would we even need this cryptic Bible for enigmatic guidance?). But I have been propositioned, offered things, position, power, whatever, by people. Sometimes people I know and trust, sometimes people I don’t ‚Äì sometimes by people who hold worldly authority over me. When I’m faced with temptation, I ask myself the obvious question ‚Äì What would Jesus say? But of course, Jesus couldn’t ask himself this question… ‚ÄúWhat would I say?‚Äù Jesus looked to HIS heroes, often Moses and Isaiah. In this case, he found in the words of Moses the guidance he needed to fend off the Satan’s temptation. But the story does not end there, as we see, the Devil only departs from Jesus ‚Äúuntil the opportune time.‚Äù Worldly temptation will last as long as the world endures, but now as we face it, with the words of prophets in our hearts, we have another hero to consult as well. Jesus, who could not be swayed by temptation, even when it meant his own death.

NARRATOR : So there’s an election coming up, and all the candidates are falling over themselves to let us know what they believe, what’s their favorite hymn…WWJVF? Who would Jesus vote for?

So I thought we could ask some of the Hebrew Prophets, see what they had to say about political issues of their day…which, believe it or not, are pretty much exactly the same as now. Should we stand by while the rich get richer and the poor get poorer? Should we go to war? Does God want us to have a king at all?

Naturally, all of the prophets are different, and yet just about all of them had some things in common. It was the prophet’s job to stand against the king, and probably die for it. What do you call a prophet who agrees with the king, who is liked by everyone, who says things are fine? A false prophet. What does king Ahab call the prophet Elijah? Troubler of Israel (1 Kings 18:17). Oh my enemy (1 Kings 21:20). And three times in one day, Ahab sent fifty soldiers to kill him (2 Kings 1). That might be why in so many cases, when the Lord calls to say “You shall be my prophet,” the reply is, almost invariably…

PROPHETS : Oh no, I’m not the one you’re looking for.

NARRATOR : In the tenth century before the common era, what‚Äôs now known as Israel was a group of tribes doing the best they could to raise crops and animals. But sea-pirates called the Philestines showed up on the west coast and started working their way inward, sacking villages, setting up cities, and ruling over the populations. So, the Israelites decided what they needed was a military chieftain to raise up an army and fight. The prophet Samuel warned the Israelites that a king might not be in their best interests…

SAMUEL : “This is what the king‚Ķwill do: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots. Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands‚Ķand others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war. He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. He will take the best of your fields and vineyards‚Ķand give them to his attendants‚Ķ.He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, and the Lord will not answer you.” (1 Samuel 8:10-18, NIV)

NARRATOR : …Sound familiar? This is pretty much the standard contract between population and ruler, to this day. Saul, the first chieftain, was cool – he beat the Philestines, but didn’t interfere much with the populace. David was famously David, but Solomon made all of Samuel’s predictions come true and more – taxation, forced labor, the draft, and a brand of inequality the Israelites hadn’t known since Egypt.

Let’s jump forward a couple centuries to Hosea, most hated and unpopular of the prophets, whose hostile words are never preached upon…which in prophetic terms would probably be an A++. The Lord showed up and commanded that Hosea marry a prostitute, as a metaphor for Israel whoring its covenant for material goods and golden idols. Hosea didn’t have a very high opinion of politicians…

HOSEA : “They utter mere words. With empty oaths they make covenants; so litigation springs up like poisonous weeds in the furrows of the field.” (Hosea 10:4, NRSV)

NARRATOR : No really, Hosea, you can…speak frankly here.

HOSEA : “You have plowed wickedness, you have reaped injustice, you have eaten the fruit of lies. Because you have trusted in your power and in the multitude of your warriors, therefore the tumult of war shall rise against your people, and all your fortresses shall be destroyed.” (Hosea 10:13-14, NRSV)

NARRATOR : …Could you write that on a cake? For our election-day party? No? Okay, then let’s turn to the prophet Micah, known to be one of the most amiable. Got a friendly word for us, Micah? The topic is politics.

MICAH : Now hear this, [you] rulers…who [hate] justice and pervert all equity, Who build up [the nation] with bloodshed [and] iniquity [and] give judgement for bribes…Because of you, [the nation] shall be plowed like a field…become heaps of ruins, and the mountain of the temple like the bare hills of the forest. (Micah 3:9-12, NIV, NRSV)

NARRATOR : Have the three of you ever considered starting a rap-group together? You could call it…Prophet Enemy, Straight Outa’ Jordan. Alright, I see we’re running out of time here, and I would like to leave you with some sort of cheerful message… Jesus? You here? Got any kind words about politics?

JESUS : The devil led [me up a mountain in the desert] and in an instant showed [me] all the kingdoms of the world. And the devil said to [me], “To you I will give their glory and all this authority; for it has been given over to me, and I will give it to anyone I please. If you, then, will worship me, it will all be yours.” [I] answered him, “It is written, ‘worship the Lord your God and serve only him.’” (Luke 4:5-8, NRSV)

NARRATOR : Thanks, but seriously now, Jesus. Something positive? What about peace?

JESUS : Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. (Luke 12:51, NIV)

NARRATOR : Alright, so I guess you’re not going to tell us who to vote for. Could you at least tell us who might win tomorrow’s dog-races? …And it sounds like we’ve lost our trans-temporal communication-link with Jesus. Alright. I guess the moral is that we have been commanded to serve only God, but have chosen the modern democratic system instead…much peace, equality, and security may it bring.

A final note, to those who wish to express their dissatisfaction by boycotting the vote, just remember that’s exactly what those Washington fat-cats want you to do.

[This ending turned out to be a little too “harsh on democracy,” so I re-wrote the ending from after Jesus’s “Devil” story, which was presented as follows…]

NARRATOR : Thanks, but seriously now, Jesus. We live in a large and complex world, and we need leaders down here to look out for us. Is it possible to reconcile serving only God, while still supporting our leaders’ efforts to make the world a better place?

JESUS : “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, and render unto God what is God’s.” (Luke 20:25)

NARRATOR : Caesar didn’t need anybody’s vote. But there was something Caesar did expect that was far more important – Caesar was to be revered as either a god, or the son of a god. What Jesus is saying here, if I may be so bold, is that the laws of Caesar – taxation and so on – should be kept, as long as one does not give him the inward allegiance that is reserved for God alone. And when the day is done, all the gold that Caesar has shaken from the populace is just trash, the false signs of respect are empty, and Caesar has nothing. Jesus, if you would say it one more time…

JESUS : “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, and render unto God what is God’s.” (Luke 20:25)

NARRATOR : So, render unto Caesar what will rust and fade be forgotten. And render unto God what is sacred and eternal.

by j. Snodgrass, December 2007

NARRATOR : Five blind-folded people are put in a room with an animal and asked to identify it, based on their sense of touch. One says it’s a donkey, for it has a donkey’s tail. One says it’s a snake, for what he holds is a long, writhing tube. Another says it’s a bat, not knowing what she holds is actually an ear. Others offer different answers, each is certain they’re right. But when the blindfolds come off, they realize that none were fully correct – they’ve been describing different parts of an elephant.

The elephant in question today is Jesus. More specifically, the birth of Jesus as described, or not described, in the four Canonical Gospels. And we’re very fortunate today to have the Gospel-writers with us. Admittedly, none were actually present at the birth of Jesus, nor did any of them know him personally. But perhaps they can shed some light on the great Nativity Mystery. They’ve asked to be called by their pen-names, since they’ve forgotten who they really were. So please allow me to introduce Mark…

MARK : Shalom.

NARRATOR : Matthew…

MATTHEW : Greetings in the name of Christ the king.

NARRATOR : Luke…

LUKE : Down with the system.

NARRATOR : And John…

JOHN : The Father is known to the Son who is known to the Father.

NARRATOR : Thank you. So, we’ve brought the four of you together today because we’re interested in learning about the birth of Jesus. Two of you have written different accounts of this, and two of you skipped it. To get us going, I’ll re-cap the story we usually use around this time of year. Wise-men were guided by a star to Bethlehem, and beneath the star they found a baby lying in a feeding-trough in a barn. Some shepherds were there with their flocks, and the wise-men gave gifts…

MATTHEW : Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. You’re telling me that Christ the king…was born in a barn? With shepherds around him? You’ve got to be joking! No. Jesus was born in a house – maybe not a castle, but definitely not a barn. And there were no shepherds. He was greeted by wise-men from afar bearing gifts worthy of a king!

LUKE : What? Get over yourself! Jesus was a prophet. He came to bring good news to the poor – he wasn’t concerned with kings. It was the lowly shepherds who came to honor him. And this nonsense about a star… It was a choir of angels that appeared to the shepherds!

MATTHEW : Sounds like someone here hasn’t been doing their homework. Great kings are ALWAYS born under a star.

LUKE : I didn’t say he was a king. I said he was a prophet sent to overthrow the system.

MATTHEW : But what about his ancestry? Joseph was descended from David, Solomon, Josiah – all the great kings!

LUKE : Says you. I agree that he was related to David, but not Solomon. No, Jesus came down from David’s other son, Nathan, through a line of workers, to Joseph.

NARRATOR : Um, if I may… I thought Joseph wasn’t the father.

MARK : And who cares anyway where he was born? Or who was there? The important thing was what he said. The message.

MATTHEW : Yeah, but he has to have been born. And that’s important to the story.

LUKE : I agree. The birth of a great man tells us a lot about who he’ll grow up to be.

MARK : It might, IF we actually knew anything about his birth. Which we don’t.

JOHN : You’re all fools.

NARRATOR : …Would you care to elaborate on that?

JOHN : Christ is the Word. THE WORD!

NARRATOR : The word..?

JOHN : The Word, who in the beginning was with God, and was God. Through the Word, the Christ, all things did come into being. You can ramble on about the earthly birth of some child, but you miss the whole point. The Christ is eternal, from beginning to end. His brief appearance in the flesh was just to clear up some of the confusion between people like you.

MARK : …You’re crazy.

JOHN : The end of time shall prove me right.

MARK : Yeah. In the meantime, if anybody sees some bananas lying around, I think they must have fell out of his tree.

NARRATOR : And so the confusion continues. There were many gospels circulating in the early years of Christianity. Manuscripts of about twenty have been found, and early Christian writers make references to others which are completely lost to us. Four were chosen for Canonization, probably by Irenaeus, who explained, as there are four corners of the Earth, so there shall be four gospels, no more and no less. The four he selected were chosen based on his belief that they were most likely eye-witness accounts, written by followers of Jesus.

Recent geographical studies have proven that the Earth does not, in fact, have four corners – it seems to be some sort of revolving ball. Recent scholarship has proven that none of the Gospels were written by first-hand witnesses of Jesus. In all likelihood, the earliest Gospel- the Gospel of Mark – was written over a generation later, meaning that everyone who’d been alive in Jesus’ time was dead, and everyone who had known them was getting old too, so it was time to set down some of the stories before they passed out of existence. Matthew and Luke were based on Mark, adding sayings from another source. The Gospel of John was probably set down a hundred years or more after the death of Jesus – three generations later, in a time when most people only lived to be thirty.

This does not mean, however, that there is no truth in the Gospels. We live in an age of facts and figures, which can make it difficult to find meaning in Truths from another time. But it’s important to remember that numbers can mislead, photographs have a point of view, and even eye-witness testimony won’t always tell what really went down. Five blindfolded people describing the elephant. The Gospels give us a view into the hopes and dreams, the glorious expectations of the early Christian community, as they took on the sacred task of putting the miraculous into words.

In celebration of the alignment of Simchat Torah and the Feast of St Francis we bring you…Moses & Francis in…Whose Day Is it?
By j. Snodgrass

(Written 2 October, 2007 for use on 4 October, 2007)

The Cast :
Moses
Francis

Setting : Today. MOSES is sitting at a table, doing a book-signing, with a stack of identical books beside him. There are animals on the stage, milling. FRANCIS walks on, sees MOSES, freaks out like a nerdy
fanboy.

FRANCIS : (Speaking very fast)
Holy Moses! Oh, man! I can’t believe it! I’m your biggest fan! I LOVED your five books. Actually I skipped the ones in the middle, but I LOVED the rest. Will you sign one for me?

MOSES :
Sure. Who should I make it out to?

FRANCIS :
Francis.

MOSES : (While writing)
To…my…good…friend...Francis…Let my…people go…Moses. There you are.

FRANCIS :
Oh, and put the date.

MOSES :
Right. Um…and what’s today’s date again?

FRANCIS :
Saint Francis day, of course!

MOSES :
What?

FRANCIS :
The feast of Saint Francis.

MOSES :
Excuse me?

FRANCIS :
Look around! See all these people? And the animals? They’re here tocelebrate me.
MOSES :
Young man, I think you’ve been listening to the wrong birds, these people are here for me. Moses. Today is my day. The day we celebrate my death and the creation of the world. My death. Creation of the world. Two important events. Get it?

FRANCIS :
Alright, cool down, I know about your temper.

MOSES :
Oh, no you don’t. Not until you walk in here with your hippie mysticism, and start telling me whose day it is. That’s the day my temper’s gonna bury you, son.

FRANCIS : (Laughs like it’s an inside joke)
Like you buried that other guy–

MOSES : (Cuts him off. Serious. Stands, comes around to the front of
the table.)
Yeah. Your daddy. Now go hug a tree or something. Shave your head, get some piercings, or whatever it is you kids do. We’re here to celebrate me and my books.

FRANCIS :
But, I mean, couldn’t it be a day for both of us?

MOSES:
Are you blind? One table. One stack of books. One day. Mine.

FRANCIS :
Well yeah, but… I wrote too, poetry. Canticle to the Sun. Sure, it’s not the…Shema, or anything, but…people like it.

MOSES :
You’re that Francis? You know, improbable as it may sound, I think I read some of your work. Bright and cheerful one minute, dark and morbid the next.

FRANCIS :
That’s exactly right. Kind of like Simchat Torah, a continuing cycle of death and rebirth. Truly, you and I have a lot in common. But what’s most important…is that we all agree on one thing.

MOSES :
…Which is?

FRANCIS :
That all of life and death…ultimately center around Christ Jesus.

MOSES :
I never agreed on that! What the hell are you talking about?

FRANCIS :
Oh… Sorry, I…forgot. You didn’t know about that yet. So, um… What’s really important…I meant to say…is that we both agree on the wonder of God’s creation. And, I mean, nobody put it better than you. In Genesis? Man! How did you even find the words?

MOSES :
…To be honest?

FRANCIS :
Lay it on me.

MOSES :
Ghost-written. Pretty much all of it ghost-written.

(Pause.)

FRANCIS : (Dumbfounded. Then, has a realization)
Oh! I get it! Ghost-written! Like, the holy ghost, right?
(Gestures hitting a joint.)

MOSES :
Kids these days.

(They join hands and bow. THE END.)