5-Min Skit on Prophets, Politics & Upcoming Elections
January 14, 2008
BIBLICAL PRESENTATION – GOD AND POLITICS (for Marble Collegiate Church)
By j. Snodgrass
NARRATOR : So there’s an election coming up, and all the candidates are falling over themselves to let us know what they believe, what’s their favorite hymn…WWJVF? Who would Jesus vote for?
So I thought we could ask some of the Hebrew Prophets, see what they had to say about political issues of their day…which, believe it or not, are pretty much exactly the same as now. Should we stand by while the rich get richer and the poor get poorer? Should we go to war? Does God want us to have a king at all?
Naturally, all of the prophets are different, and yet just about all of them had some things in common. It was the prophet’s job to stand against the king, and probably die for it. What do you call a prophet who agrees with the king, who is liked by everyone, who says things are fine? A false prophet. What does king Ahab call the prophet Elijah? Troubler of Israel (1 Kings 18:17). Oh my enemy (1 Kings 21:20). And three times in one day, Ahab sent fifty soldiers to kill him (2 Kings 1). That might be why in so many cases, when the Lord calls to say “You shall be my prophet,” the reply is, almost invariably…
PROPHETS : Oh no, I’m not the one you’re looking for.
NARRATOR : In the tenth century before the common era, what‚Äôs now known as Israel was a group of tribes doing the best they could to raise crops and animals. But sea-pirates called the Philestines showed up on the west coast and started working their way inward, sacking villages, setting up cities, and ruling over the populations. So, the Israelites decided what they needed was a military chieftain to raise up an army and fight. The prophet Samuel warned the Israelites that a king might not be in their best interests…
SAMUEL : “This is what the king‚Ķwill do: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots. Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands‚Ķand others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war. He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. He will take the best of your fields and vineyards‚Ķand give them to his attendants‚Ķ.He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, and the Lord will not answer you.” (1 Samuel 8:10-18, NIV)
NARRATOR : …Sound familiar? This is pretty much the standard contract between population and ruler, to this day. Saul, the first chieftain, was cool – he beat the Philestines, but didn’t interfere much with the populace. David was famously David, but Solomon made all of Samuel’s predictions come true and more – taxation, forced labor, the draft, and a brand of inequality the Israelites hadn’t known since Egypt.
That Girl Did Not Fear England
January 12, 2008
That Girl Did Not Fear England
By j. SNODGRASS
Read it online with illustrations by Mike Jackson
Illustrations originally presented as slides
projected during a live reading
at Easter at Avalon
April 8, 2007
There was not long ago or far away
A town where children played and sang all day
And once their folks had tucked them in at night
The kids hid under covers in their fright
Except one little lady, strong and feral
A wild, precocious child by name of Carol
Who’d lie in silence, with her eyes tight closed
And wait till all the town serenely dozed
Then up she’d jump and loudly she’d declare
“It takes more than the dark to get me scared!”
Outside her window, an old Oak-tree grew
Perhaps this tree’s who she was speaking to
Regardless, she continued “Oh well sure
I’m frightened when the morning traffic roars
The hairs on my young neck do stand on ender
When mom throws fresh tomatoes in the blender
And last week on a class trip to the zoo
The tongue of a giraffe, it scared me too
There’s causes for concern both far and near
But one thing that I’ll never, ever fear…”
“Is England! Yeah, they once were some great power
But now are ‘bout as fearful as a flower
Their royal navy bullied the whole world
Now they can’t frighten this six year old girl!
I fear the toxic waste dumped in the sea
I fear the slash and burn of every tree
I fear the monsters underneath my bed
I fear the spirits mumbling in my head
I fear the pit-bull readying to pounce
But I do not fear England – not one ounce”
HOLIDAY BLUES (Apocryphal longing for a savior)
December 22, 2007
by j. Snodgrass
Every year, we spend the three weeks of the advent season preparing for the birth of Jesus. For many of us, it’s three weeks in which all our demons ‚Äì loneliness, alienation, depression, financial hardship ‚Äì are amplified, felt all the more keenly, because many of them will follow us into the next year. The days get shorter, colder, and then‚Ķ December 25th, Jesus is born, just in time. We know the baby’s coming, bringing hope and joy, which makes the season more bearable. We also know that where all the hustle and bustle, terrible holiday music and pressure to buy gifts is concerned‚Ķ Well, as Jesus said, “This too shall pass.”
Today, I’d like to talk about some pre-Jesus depression, from when they didn’t know he was coming at all. Looking back, it’s easy to say that the signs were all there in what’s become the Old Testament, the stump and Jesse and whatnot, but it’s important to remember that the ‘shoot from the stump of Jesse’ in Isaiah 11 who would rule with righteousness had already been fulfilled in the kings Josiah and Hezekiah. Simply put, twas the time before Christians – no savior in sight.
Then came Jesus, more specifically Jesus Ben Sirach, who lived about two hundred years before Jesus of Nazareth (Jesus was a popular name, since the name ‘Yehoshua’ meant Joshua, the famous warlord who conquered twenty-one kingdoms ‚Äì this name would have risen in popularity as the Israelites themselves were conquered several times, and kept hoping that one of their offspring would rise up and start kicking some butt). Jesus Ben Sirach wrote the following passage about his blues:
Advent Presentation: Giving
December 15, 2007
By j. Snodgrass, December 2007, for Marble Collegiate Church in NYC
In the spirit of Advent I thought do a little research on the topic of giving, beginning with a familiar scene ‚Äì three wise men, guided by a star, coming to give gifts to the newborn Jesus in a manger. Except that the three wise-men are in the Gospel of Matthew and the manger is in Luke. Matthew’s Jesus was born in a house.
And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense and myrrh. Matthew 2:11
So in the spirit of giving, I decided this year I would “give-a-damn” about these treasures of the magi. I mean, Gold‚Ķ Gold‚Ķ The word “gold” appears in the Bible four hundred and thirty times. But I don’t think we need Biblical passages to tell us what makes gold so special. Suffice to say, Religion and Gold have had a long love-hate relationship, going back as far as anyone can remember.
But what about Frankincense and Myrrh? Nowhere does the Gospel say “they gave him gold‚Ķetcetera‚Ķ” or “gold‚Ķand various other substances.” No, we’ve got to assume that first century Christians knew exactly what was meant by Frankincense and Myrrh, probably from the Torah. And there they are in the book of Exodus.
Then the LORD said to Moses, “Take the following fine spices: 500 shekels of liquid myrrh, half as much of fragrant cinnamon, 250 shekels of fragrant cane, 500 shekels of cassia‚Äîall according to the sanctuary shekel‚Äîand a hin of olive oil. Make these into a sacred anointing oil‚Ķ Anoint Aaron and his sons and consecrate them so they may serve me as priests. Say to the Israelites, ‘This is to be my sacred anointing oil for the generations to come.’ Exodus 30:22-25;30-31
So Myrrh, it turns out, was the active ingredient in YHWH’s own secret sauce. And amazingly, the recipe can be found right there in Exodus, although most modern conversion charts do not list shekels and a hin.
Then the LORD said to Moses, “Take fragrant spices‚Ķand pure frankincense‚Ķ and make a fragrant blend of incense‚ĶIt shall be most holy to you. Do not make any incense with this formula for yourselves; consider it holy to the LORD. Exodus 30:34,35,37
So Frankincense and Myrrh were both ingredients of sacred incense. Myrrh was used to consecrate priests, and Frankincense to bless sacred spaces, which makes a lot of sense to have around when a righteous child is born (especially when that child is born in a barn).
Nativity Mystery (5 minute skit for 5 actors) by jSnodgrass
December 12, 2007
NATIVITY MYSTERY: THE ELEPHANT IN QUESTION
by j. Snodgrass, December 2007
NARRATOR : Five blind-folded people are put in a room with an animal and asked to identify it, based on their sense of touch. One says it’s a donkey, for it has a donkey’s tail. One says it’s a snake, for what he holds is a long, writhing tube. Another says it’s a bat, not knowing what she holds is actually an ear. Others offer different answers, each is certain they’re right. But when the blindfolds come off, they realize that none were fully correct – they’ve been describing different parts of an elephant.
The elephant in question today is Jesus. More specifically, the birth of Jesus as described, or not described, in the four Canonical Gospels. And we’re very fortunate today to have the Gospel-writers with us. Admittedly, none were actually present at the birth of Jesus, nor did any of them know him personally. But perhaps they can shed some light on the great Nativity Mystery. They’ve asked to be called by their pen-names, since they’ve forgotten who they really were. So please allow me to introduce Mark…
MARK : Shalom.
NARRATOR : Matthew…
MATTHEW : Greetings in the name of Christ the king.
NARRATOR : Luke…
LUKE : Down with the system.
NARRATOR : And John…
JOHN : The Father is known to the Son who is known to the Father.
“Some Dude” (Expect the Unexpected)
November 25, 2007
by j. Snodgrass
Matthew 24:42-44 “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.”
The Lord, breaking into your house at night. Expect the unexpected.
My wife is in medical-school, and has learned that in Emergency rooms across the country, legends abound to tell the exploits of that mythological character known only as “Some Dude.” “Yeah, I was just minding my own business, and some Dude shows up with a baseball bat and starts whaling on me.” “Yeah, this lady asked me to hold her purse for her, and I was, and then some Dude came up out of nowhere and beat me down, and gave the purse back to the lady…who had asked me to hold it.” “Yeah, I was just having a smoke outside my building and some Dude shot me five times.”
Oddly enough, if Emergency Rooms had existed in the times of the book of Genesis, Jacob would probably have showed up with the following story: “Yeah, I was just crossing the river with my two wives, two girlfriends, eleven sons and all my stuff, when some Dude jumped me! And he beat on me all night, and pulled my hip out of its socket. I never saw his face, ’cause it was dark. As the sun came up he said ‘alright, I’ve gotta go,’ but I said ‘Dude, you’re going nowhere till you’ve blessed me.’ And the dude said, ‘Alright, from now on your name is Israel.’ And then he was gone.”
True story, paraphrased from Genesis 32. The name he was given by this mysterious Dude was “Israel,” meaning “Struggled with God.”
God jumped Jacob. Expect the unexpected.
Earlier in the book, Genesis 19, a man named Lot was living with his wife and two daughters in the city of Sodom… And looking out his doorway one day he sees these two guys walking around and invites them into his house. But the Sodomites see the guys go in, and a great mob gathers – they start banging on Lot’s door, demanding the opportunity to give these visitors a proper Sodomite welcome. Lot says everything he can think of to make the mob go away, but it’s no use.
Genesis 19:9-11 They kept bringing pressure on Lot and moved forward to break down the door. But the men inside reached out and pulled Lot back into the house and shut the door. Then they struck the men who were at the door of the house, young and old, with blindness so that they could not find the door.
It turns out these two Dudes happened to be angels of the Lord. I can just see the scene in the Sodom Hospital Emergency Room – “Yeah, we just wanted to give these dudes some presents and they blinded us!” Of course, the Sodom Emergency Room would have had bigger concerns, what with the entire city being destroyed later that evening.
Expect the unexpected. Is this going to unexpectedly tie in with the theme of Advent?
I don’t know what kind of prenatal care they had in Bethlehem around the time of Jesus’ birth…I know he was eventually born in a barn. But it must have been a fascinating scene when Mary told her fianc?© Joseph she was pregnant with the son of the Most High God. “Yeah, I was just minding my own business when some Dude showed up, told me I’d be getting pregnant by the Holy Spirit.” Somehow I doubt that Joseph was so impressed with this – in fact, according to the Gospel of Matthew, old Joe started hatching plans to let her go. Couldn’t call that unexpected. But a few days later, Joseph came to Mary and said “Hey, everything’s cool. We can still get hitched and then we need to leave and hide out in Egypt for a while, because the powers that be are gonna be looking for this kid.”
That was unexpected. Joseph? The Biblical character best known for what he didn’t do? And just how did Joseph come across this information?
Yup. Some Dude told him so.
- – - -
Written for the Marble Collegiate Church, Marble Connection (Young Adults in Their 20s & 30), Sunday Conversation, November 25, 2007
Moses & Francis in…Whose Day Is it?
October 4, 2007
In celebration of the alignment of Simchat Torah and the Feast of St Francis we bring you…Moses & Francis in…Whose Day Is it?
By j. Snodgrass
(Written 2 October, 2007 for use on 4 October, 2007)
The Cast :
Moses
Francis
Setting : Today. MOSES is sitting at a table, doing a book-signing, with a stack of identical books beside him. There are animals on the stage, milling. FRANCIS walks on, sees MOSES, freaks out like a nerdy
fanboy.
FRANCIS : (Speaking very fast)
Holy Moses! Oh, man! I can’t believe it! I’m your biggest fan! I LOVED your five books. Actually I skipped the ones in the middle, but I LOVED the rest. Will you sign one for me?
MOSES :
Sure. Who should I make it out to?
FRANCIS :
Francis.
MOSES : (While writing)
To…my…good…friend..
FRANCIS :
Oh, and put the date.
MOSES :
Right. Um…and what’s today’s date again?
FRANCIS :
Saint Francis day, of course!
MOSES :
What?
Read the rest of this entry »
Baby Jackson Gets a Bris!
January 18, 2007
Excerpt from letter: John to Jackson, Jan 13, 2007
To read full text, see more pictures, and read more letters, visit
www.myspace.com/thomasjsnodgrass5
Dear Jackson,
Tears and laughter, blood, betrayal, singing and dancing, Hebrew and primal scream – this has been your second week.
I guess this biggest news of this week is your conversion from Animism to Judaism. The Jewish midwife, who was good enough to assist with your birth on the Sabbath, recommended I call 1-800-BABY-BOY, which connected me with a really nice Rabbi named Jehoshua Krohn who exclaimed that you needed a Bris right away, and offered us a cut rate for letting you be a quick stop between other gigs.
WAITING : AN ADVENT MIX
December 7, 2006
badass nina., originally uploaded by canela_miel.
j.Snodgrass mix for Transmission apt.church 12.06.06
MILES DAVIS: SOMEDAY MY PRINCE WILL COME
LEONARD COHEN: WAITING FOR THE MIRACLE (FULL LENGTH)
THE DOORS: WAITING FOR THE SUN
ANNIE LENNOX : WAITING IN VAIN
DEPECHE MODE : WAITING FOR THE NIGHT
NINA SIMONE: LILAC WINE
LOU REED : WAITING FOR THE MAN
CAMPER VAN BEETHOVEN : COME ON DARKNESS
ISAAC EVERETT : EXPECTATION
DEPECHE MODE : WAITING FOR THE NIGHT (REMIX)
DISNEY SOUNDTRACK : “SOMEDAY MY PRINCE WILL COME”
You can check out and download (a slightly modified version of) this iMix from iTunes:
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewIMix?id=208077971
TjS: Shrine to the Lizard King
November 3, 2006
Jim Morrison’s grave, originally uploaded by Shontellymc.
In honor of the day of the dead, I decided to build a shrine to my childhood hero, Jim Morrison. Of course I didn’t know him personally, but his dark visions haunted me when I was young, and continue to bring out very deep, visceral reactions today, when I’m beginning the procreative cycle at the same age at which he died. There were times in my childhood when I wondered if I’d ever outgrow him, but I know now that this tired warrior will never see farther than his boyhood prophet.
Listening to a Doors bootleg right now, I’m reminded again of the primeval power of this man, this dark priest on whom my image of Jesus is largely based (who REALLY believes Jesus wore one of those ridiculous papal hats?). I hear Jim Morrison in the works of Omar Khayyam, the Biblical prophets, modern prophets like Raine Maida, in the continual lurching of the soft parade, and look forward to hearing his ageless voice in the cries of my child to be born. Yes, I intend to frighten my kids with Morrison’s howls, and as they get older, to teach them to dance around bonfires to the Doors’ pagan rhythms, and in this way begin their teachings about humanity, where we’ve been, where we’re going. Corny as it sounds, I sat down a few minutes ago to write, of all things, a poem for my childhood hero. Off the top of my head, here’s the best I can do – a tribute to a man who has always inspired me.
You were twenty-seven and I was twelve
You cried to Heaven for how I felt
You broke through to me
Who needed you to be –
How did you know, how could you tell?
Now you’re twenty-seven and so am I
But I’m still eleven when I hear you cry
Your message straight and true
Time and again you cry on through
You’re still by my side as years go by
When you’re twenty-seven and I’m fifty-six
Will you still have wisdom yet to give?
Will you still howl on my behalf?
Or fade down some forgotten path?
I know at twenty-seven you’ll still alive