The Invitation Dilemma
October 15, 2006
As a professional musician, I run into a problem when I invite my friends to gigs. If they can’t make it, there’s no problem, but things get significantly more complicated if they could make it but don’t really want to. There’s the glancing away, the shuffling of feet, the hastily thrown together excuses- it’s pretty awkward and it makes me hesitant to invite people to come at all because I don’t want them to feel pressured into coming.
As I help start this church, I’m running into exactly the same thing, so I’m hoping I can get some advice from the new Transmissioners as well as my fellow church planters who read this blog.
On one hand, I don’t want anyone to feel pressured into coming (especially friends), and I want people to be able to say no without feeling awkward. I want someone to be able to come once, not come for several months, and then come again one time without feeling guilty. I want people to know that they can come or not come and it’s all OK.
On the other hand, I don’t want people to think that their presence isn’t valued. I want to communicate the fact that I’m thrilled when people participate in my community. Inviting people to Transmission isn’t a casual thing for me, either, so I want people to appreciate the invitation even if they say no.
Hm - does anyone have any wisdom about this?
3 Responses to “The Invitation Dilemma”
That’s a hard one Isaac and one I don’t have a “good” answer for. I understand your deliema but for most church usually means someone beating them upside the head to come to Christ so he can save them from sins they don’t even know they have. There is certainly not a message of love for most when they think of the church. From that standpoint I would be hesitant too!
The best answer I have is pray before inviting them and see how the Spirit leads you. (I know that’s a very cheesy pat church answer but it’s the best I’ve got.)
Language is a big thing too. You may be well meaning but people are wary of Christians and always wonder what they have up thier sleeve. I tend to use different language around you than I would around my non-Christian friends. I don’t say anything differently but the approach is different. So maybe something like, “Hey I have a show coming up that I would love for you to hear but it’s at a church. If that’s uncomfortable for you, I totally understand but if it’s not I would really love for you to come hear me play.” It takes the pressure off and there’s no perceived guilt trip for not going.
The other thing you could do is start doing shows outside the church. You can certainly keep the same message but do it in a club where your friends will feel more comfortable. There are a lot of Christian bands (Evanesance amongst others) that don’t want to get labeled “Christian” for the same reason.
However one band I know of has managed to break down this barrier and is LOVED by most Goths I know. It is a band called “Echoing Green”. My pastor at Regen use to play keyboards for them back in the day. They are still going strong and can be found in most “broader taste” record stores but back home they have a warning label…. “Be warned. Lyrics and message of this band is Christian.” It’s pretty funny.
By Renata on Oct 16, 2006
well, I wasn’t even talking about crossing the religious divide or evangelism; I’ve only been inviting friends of mine who already identify as Christian but who are also not finding what they need in traditional church.
By isaac on Oct 16, 2006
OH! Sorry… by your language, thought you meant non-Christian friends. That said though the same holds true. Language is everything. I didn’t use to be a fan of language. In fact I didn’t learn to even speak till I was 4 due to being partially deaf as a child. This developmental delay followed me into adulthood where language was always a struggle BUT I am learning to conquer it and as I am, I am falling in love with it. You may not have the same issue with language I do but as a fellow creative I could understand where you come from as the majority of us (in my experience) do have issues with expressing ourselves. So once again… there may be other reasons why they do not want to go to church so take the pressue off and just let them know you’d love if they could come see you play. Then don’t sweat it if they say no.
By Renata on Oct 18, 2006